On the Barricades

Open Letter to those who oppose Marriage Equality

Here’s my question for you. Do you have a child/children? What if your child came home and told you he/she had fallen for and wanted to make their life with a same sex partner? Would you tell them that from that moment forward they were only second class citizens? Would you tell them they suddenly weren’t good enough to get married anymore, didn’t deserve the same rights, obligations and opportunities as everybody else? Would you, who has – I assume - always known your child as a loving and smart individual, suddenly feel they’re no longer capable of lovingly raising a child of their own? Could you feel these things about your own offspring? Would you be able to say those things to their face?

If the answer to those questions is yes you are probably less qualified to raise children than the person you are judging, could ever be. Think about it. Same sex couples are never going to have an accidental child. The chances of them forgetting to use contraception and ending up with an unplanned pregnancy as a result, are nil. These couples face a long and arduous journey if they decide they want to create a family. There will be medical and/or legal procedures to face, administrative red tape to battle and a waiting time much longer than the nine months the rest of us deal with.

I have another question. Do you think marriage equality shouldn’t be allowed because the purpose of marriage is to procreate? And/or do you think same sex couples shouldn’t be allowed to adopt or raise children because every child deserves to be raised by two loving parents of different genders? If your answer to those questions is affirmative I would like to know how you think we should deal with women who find themselves raising children on their own? Should we take those children and put them in a family where they will have both a father and a mother? Or maybe we should force anyone who isn’t married to use contraception so no child will ever be born unless their heterosexual parents are actually married? And what about infertile couples? Should we even allow them to marry if the purpose of marriage is to procreate?

I’ve heard people say that marriage equality diminishes their own marriage. My mind boggles. I’m sure enough in my marriage, the love for my husband and the love he has for me, his wife, to know that nothing outside the two of us can either diminish or enhance the quality of our bond. If your marriage and the way you feel about it depends on outside factors it makes me feel sorry about the state of your relationship. Marriage isn’t and shouldn’t be a privilege only granted to those who happen to be the majority. Marriage is the expression of the love between two people. Marriage means that those two people will automatically have rights (and obligations) they might otherwise not have or only be able to safeguard through long and often expensive legal proceedings.

Maybe you are convinced people choose to fall for people of their own gender and feel that they should just choose differently in order to avoid the issues of marriage and raising children. If that is your belief I’d like you to explain to me why you think anyone would do that to themselves? You’d have to be a rather hardened masochist to inflict the sort of prejudice, discrimination and complications that come with a same sex relationship on yourself. Did you decide to fall for the person you love right now or was it something magical, a wonderful moment that took you by surprise and filled you with joy? And if the latter, why do you think it would be any different for other people?

If you have any doubts about marriage equality. If you feel that civil partnership should be enough, ask yourself whether or not civil partnership would be enough for you? Would you have been happy forgoing your wedding day? I’d also ask you to watch a documentary called ‘Bridegroom’ and then come back to me and tell me love isn’t love. That losing the person you’d hoped to spend the rest of your life with hurts less just because both partners were the same gender. Watch that movie and tell me you still believe certain rights should only apply to those who are heterosexual.

There is so much hate and pain in the world. Why can’t we just embrace love when we meet it and facilitate its smooth progress? Love experienced by others can never diminish the love we feel. More love and tolerance can only make our world a better place. Open your mind and your heart. Live and let live. Love and let love.